As a result of posting my recent review of Helen Beverly’s book The Other Side of Charm, I have been alerted to many informative and moving websites on this and related issues through blogs such as Torn 2 Peaces. I was particularly impressed by how brilliant a summary Paula has given of what we need to know to identify when we are in the potentially toxic presence of a sociopath.
Below is an extract: for the the full post, which is strongly recommended, see link. For example, she quotes a crucial point from Martha Stout about narcissism and sociopathy: ‘Although not all narcissists are sociopaths, all sociopaths are narcissists (Stout 2010). Therefore, if you can identify a narcissist, you’re one step closer to being able to recognize a sociopath.’
(Incidentally, I have now finished The Other Side of Charm. Amongst other aspects, the harrowing account of how blind the court system in the States is to the needs of women and children was deeply disturbing. The book is a must read for anyone wishing to fully understand how unacceptable society’s attitude still is to the victim’s of abuse. In the UK we have no reason to feel smug either as recent reports about the police attitude to domestic violence clearly indicate – see the BBC post on this.)
Sociopaths aren’t just the serial killers and rapists we see on the 6 o’clock news. They are our neighbors, co-workers, friends, family members, and sometimes our “soul mates.”
Sociopaths are the charmers and manipulators. They are the people who appear together and well-groomed at first glance, but hide many secrets and lies underneath their mask of sanity.
Sociopaths, in the early love-bombing stage of an intimate relationship, use many superlatives in order to woo and control their victims.
They say things to intoxicate you into compliance:
- “You are the love of my life.”
- “I have never known anyone like you.”
- “You are perfect for me.”
- “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
- “I never want to leave your side.”
- “You are the most beautiful person I have ever met.”
- “We are perfect for each other.”
- “You are exactly what I have been looking for my entire life.”
The following is taken from my book: Escaping the Boy: My Life with a Sociopath:
Do you know what it feels like to be locked up, placed in a dungeon of a partner’s creation? If so, you’re not alone. If not, pray you never do.
Abuse comes in many forms and affects many people in the victim’s life. Emotional, physical, and sexual abuses are equally degrading and harmful. One is not better than the other or worse than the other. They are ALL abuse.
This story is specifically about emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissistic sociopath.
According to Dr. Martha Stout’s book The Sociopath Next Door, sociopaths make up 4% of western society (Stout, 2010). That’s about 1 in 25 people walking around among us without a conscience, without the ability to measure, or care to measure, the morality of their decisions and actions. Would you know how to identify a sociopath if you saw one, met one, started an intimate relationship or entered into a business contract with one? More than likely, your answer is No, because unlike what we read on the television news or see in Hollywood movies, sociopaths aren’t just serial killers and murderers. Rather, they are members of our communities who we would never suspect of evil or wrong doing and who seamlessly blend into society with the rest of us. How? Through lies, manipulations, and more lies.
In romance, narcissistic sociopaths often appear too good to be true. They are charming, agreeable, and engaging. The narcissistic sociopath loves (or seems to love) everything about you. He hooks you. Then he breaks you. His emotional abuse is VERY subtle. The victim may not know she is being victimized until it is nearly too late.
Everybody Means Something 